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Showing posts with label Freakality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Freakality. Show all posts

Hang on, please

He is Sam. He is fourteen. I think he's very cool. He plays excellent football, and has a very good haircut. He wears his jeans too low, but it comes off as adorable to me. He's also very funny.
When he first moved here, all the little girls could not stop gushing. I think he deserved it.
He is always very sweet to me, apart from those jokes at my expense. He always asks me to play hide and seek. Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I do not. But I do think he is very nice.
One thing, I do not like. He smokes too much. But what can I do?
His girlfriend is a girl named Angel. I think thats a very funny name, but what can I do?

This is the strange nature of a blog post; there's always a 'but'.

You know how they say, 'trouble comes on an idle Tuesday afternoon, when you least expect it.' And then it did, it finally did.

He fell off the terrace yesterday. He lay there shaking for fifteen minutes, until somebody found him. I did not have the guts to go and see his spattered blood, but my friends did. Its very, very serious and they're saying there's a very dim chance. Its mostly head injury, and with that, you can never say. I cannot imagine.
T'was very, very sad yesterday, it seemed like the whole world had come out to find out whats happening. I think he will like to know, that so many people care. I do too, very much.
His parents are not even in town; nobody can even begin to imagine what they'd be going through.

I prayed for him yesterday, and I hope he makes it.

We discussed Tuesdays With Morrie in school yesterday, our teacher had told us to read it. We had a fantastic time, talking about what we liked about Morrie, and what we didn't. He was a funny character, this Morrie. That book is all about death and nothing else has gone through my mind for the past few days. Yesterday was also Tuesday.
Morrie too is also very wise, no. He tells us all these great things about death, that if you learn to die, you learn to live. I liked his ideas about emotions and family more, the Theory of Detachment. A very good scene, part of the ocean, which we enacted out in class yesterday.
Death, death, death. It just won't end. Live like you're dying, my teacher had said.

Its quite funny the way Morrie absolutely dismissed everything he didn't believe in. The young are not wise, they have very little understanding, he says. He says we will always remain deficient if we keep getting manipulated by people who tell us to buy this perfume, and you'll look pretty, and buy that jeans, and you'll look sexy. This will never complete your spiritual development.

But here, I think, Morrie is wrong. He fails to understand that these things may be a part of somebody's spiritual development. Does that sound odd? I will feel very, very good if I buy a jeans that makes me look sexy. Better than if I, say, donate that money to a charity or something, however shallow that may sound.
I will feel absolutely ecstatic, if I buy a good perfume. Maybe its Morrie's age. I don't know. But he's not understanding, that deriving pleasure out of simple things in life IS development. Fine, the other love and devotion is important too, but what is so wrong with buying good stuff for yourself? Why shouldn't people buy  the next great car if they can afford it and will be on a high for the whole following year, thanks to that car. Don't chase materialistic things, he says. I don't find anything wrong in getting pleasure out of materialistic things.
What is wrong with being number two, Morrie also says. Lets be number two. But from where will we get the incentive to grow, if we're happy being number two? Sure, don't beat yourself for being number two. But at least try for number one next time, try to see what your faults were. Try to improve. I'm nowhere NEAR number one or two, see, but I like to rant.

But there are many things Morrie says that I agree with.
"Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, you won’t be longing for somebody else’s things. On the contrary, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back"


"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling."


Very beautiful lines, all of these. He also says this- Death: the only true emotion felt in an apathetic world.
I don't know what to say. True? At one hand, he's talking about love and all its wonders, and then he says that death is the only true emotion? Is that possible?


So many questions.


Pray for him though please?













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Set Free

I AM DONEEEE!!

O.V.E.R.

overrrrrrrrrrrr.

Well, okay, stupid MCQ's are still left. But thats just for 20 marks. On 31st. WHO CARESS??

The point is, I'm almost free from the exams which have been ruining my life since practically the whole year.
And they went smoothly. In your FACE, CBSE. Heheh.

My Leesha's back and thanks to her, the room of my wall now adorns a gianormous New Moon poster. Edward yo. :)

These few months have been very, very hard. But now, I'm ready to take on April-May-June. Which are hopefully going to be one of the best months ever.
In fact, last exam just got over today and I already snuck out to a place where minors, such as myself, are not really, umm allowed. But I didn't take part in any of the err, activities, so its cool.

Since the exams are over now and every person on this Earth who I'm even remotely associated with is very concerned about those, the obvious question now is:
What next?
What are my plans for future, and stuff like that.

Well, I, after great deliberation and negotiation, have decided to choose Humanities.
Needless to say, I've been met with a lot of skepticism, criticism and a huge amount of advice.
Many (Mostly Apoo) says that I'll be wasting my time and ruining my future and not utilizing my 'mental aptitude' to the fullest.
That I'm crazy to take this and regret my choice later.
That I'll have to live in a rented apartment with cheap momos as my dinner every night, because I'm gonna have to work really hard and will receive very little in return.
That I'll struggle and struggle my whole life and still be denied the appreciation I want and /or deserve.

All I can say is, first do your homework right and then come and talk to me.
For the first time in my life, I'm actually excited about studying something. To hell with everything else.
Of course, it is true that I'll be stuck with a bunch of dopes who'll not be able to distinguish photosynthesis from photography, but who cares.
What I'll be studying for the next two years is:
English- Everyone has to study that. I want to study that.

Maths- Which will be my death I'm sure, but its always nice to have a challenge.

Economics- Love it as of now, but lets see.

Political Science- This...should be interesting.

Psychology- CAN'T WAIT!!

I'll also be studying French and Biology, but from somewhere else.

Some may say that my choice of subjects is really not respectable, whatever, but its better than Science, where even if I spent my every waking hour studying, I'll still only be acceptable.

I met a lot of great, self-actualized people today. I wish I were like them. Hell, I wish I WERE them.

My pathetic existence never ceases to amaze me.


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Undo it

Every once in a while, you hear something or see something that makes you appreciate what you have in life. That makes you thank your lucky stars. That makes you laugh at yourself for worrying about stupid, trivial things just five minutes ago.

L, the sweet, funny L, who made me laugh as we walked through the Haunted House, who made me smile instead of scream, is alone. I've just met him a few times, but I liked him instantly. Twinkling eyes, goofy grin-how could you not like him? He had all the comforts in the world.
And now, everything's gone. In a flash.
His father passed away today. How can it be? I had seen him healthy and happy on Diwali, laughing. Not fair, this. L's 13 too young. It can't be.
My Saru went through something like this last year, a week before finals. I remember her cry as I managed to call her from school; I remember trying to say something, anything but nothing came out. I remember everything.
I am unable to get it out of my head.
I'm in two minds over going there tomorrow. Can I bear to see the tears instead of twinkle?
Can I bear to see him like I had seen my Saru?
I don't know.
I just know that I want it undone.

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Whataday.

I am talking to Daggu, and time flies by. We're talking. Still.

Suddenly, I see the buses, at the other end of the field moving. "Bye!" I yell, and run off after the bus. I'm gonna miss it, I know. I run and I run, but my bus is gone. I still don't give up, still try to look for it, when suddenly, I trip. And crash on the ground.
Knees, bruised, hurt. I'm covered in dust, sitting on the ground and my bus is gone and its cold and I don't know how I'll get home. Pathetic, is my state. Barely anybody came to school today, so nobody could hold the bus.

Slowly, I get up and move a little, stretching my legs. Then I remember- Mallika's staying back today. She'll have her phone. I go back inside the building and find her. She tells me that I can go back with her, she'll leave at 4. Okay, I say. Lets see Behind the Scenes of Interact Thunder [Which is like a Battle of the Bands, scheduled for tomorrow!]
I hang around watching what they do, occasionally helping them out. Then we go to B.P. to eat something. When we get back to school, I find out that there's still loads to be done. She'll have to stay till 5 30. That won't do for me.

I decide to take the Stayback bus, which leave at 4. Although they take a longer route, I'll be home before 5. I search for my route and find my bus. I didn't want to be the only one in the bus, so I waited to see if anybody else was there.
There was.

So I got on it and settled myself nice and snug on the second last seat. I braced myself for fifty minutes of pure torture, with nothing to do. Tired, but alright. A boy, fat and bulky but cute, about three years younger than me, comes and stands beside my seat. Dressed in a jersey and shorts, football coaching after school, I think.'Hato, yeh meri seat hai.' he orders.
I'm exhausted and comfortable and I don't want to move an inch. I know I won't win if I fight, so I put on my sweetest voice.
'Aaj baithne do, pleaseeee. Just for today...' I say. His expression changes as I say please. 'Okay you sit' he says, and takes a seat adjacent to mine.
Magic Word. Or maybe because I look like a pathetic mess. Doesn't matter.
But Motu's face rings a bell in my mind.
"You're Sanchita's brother, right?" I ask him. Sanchita's my friend. I don't know her very well, but she's nice.
"Yes" he says and we start talking. His friends too enter the bus and take seats around him.
Awkward, uneasy, I look outside the window. But they were all smaller than me, so I hoped that they'd be busy in their own babble. They were.
Motu opens a bottle of Coke and holds it out to me. 'Didi?' he asks, asking me if I wanted a sip.
I'm touched. Seriously. I'm very touched. After a rough day, if a small kid offers you his beloved Coke, that seems about the kindest thing anybody can do.

As the bus starts, so does their conversation. They argue about who played the best and its clear that Motu's a bully. He hits anybody who says anything against him. But he's a good bully, not a harmful one, I realize. Good kid. I listen to their conversation, which contained a wide range of expletives. But since I've nothing else to do, and they seem pretty funny to me, I listen.

Enter Blue Jersey. Blue Jersey is taller than any of them, smarter and obviously much more respected. Motu daren't hit him and Blue Jersey daren't say anything to Motu. Mutual respect. But all the other guys were made fun of. They all looked up to Blue Jersey, they did. Anybody cracked a joke and everyone would look at him; if Blue Jersey laughed, the joke's funny. If he doesn't, katta! They all wanted Blue Jersey's approval.
But Blue Jersey's popular for a reason. He's the funniest, his mind the dirtiest and well, best in football, I gather.The bus stops and many people get down. So does Blue Jersey.
After some time, its just Motu, one or two people in the front and I.

Motu and I talk some more, when this guy older than any of them, in Ninth I'm guessing, comes at the back. He's wearing really weird jeans. "Aapka stop kaunsa hai?", he asks me. I reply curtly, and turn away. The jeans is giving me bad vibes. Weird jeans sits beside Motu.
"Chal yaar, mai tere ko ek gaana sunaata hoon." he says to Motu.
Motu refuses in his usual cute funny way. And surprisingly, he asks me. "Aapko koi gaana sun naa hai?"
"No, thanks." I say. Weird Jeans is actually Weird.
"So if I sing, aapko koi problem toh nahi hai naa?"
Whatever.
"Its your mouth, do whatever you want." I reply.

And. Believe it or not. He actually starts singing. Singing.
And not the latest hit. No. His song contains phrases like,
'Party mein jaaonga,
Scent lagaoonga'

I look at Motu, appalled, and he looks at me, appalled. I resist the urge to laugh, lest I offend him. Soon, I learned that he isn't the type who takes offense; his songs are entirely for our benefit.
And dear Lord, that was just the start. After that, came MANY other songs. 'Dil de diya hai...' and others. The guy just sang non-stop until he got off the bus. He kept asking us if it bothered us and after a while, we started replying in affirmative. But the guy was sincere to his singing.

It was when he started screaming in my ear that I asked him to get lost and he did.
After an hour, I bade goodbye to Motu and got off the bus. As I walked back home, a lame dog growled at me and I dodged him and almost got crashed into a car; truthfully, the lame dog scared me more than anything else had in the entire day.
And finally,
I reached home.

All my love,
Srishti

P.S. Check out this link here. Its NaNoWriMo, a novel writing compettion, 50,000 words. I can't take part because I have pre-boards this month...but if anyone's interested, please go for it. :)

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Good enough?


Every so often, these thoughts, they enter my mind, sometimes strong, sometimes weak. A random photograph, a song, a passage from a book, triggers my mind and I think.

Am I good enough?

Do I have what it takes?

Will I make it?

The people around me are sophisticated, poised, shrewd. They know how to get what they want. They know how to get around. They know the way.

They’re aware of the tactics, and they don’t mind breaking the rules. Morality comes later.

They are the types who won’t mind shoving it in your face; they won’t mind clawing you to get ahead.

They have it all, people say. They have it all.

And again I think:

Am I good enough? Good…but is it enough?

And then…then the Voice spoke aloud again. The very same Voice which had helped me when I needed it, the Voice which had guided me forward when I couldn’t see, the Voice which was always by my side. The Voice which urged me to move ahead no matter what, which kept me grounded when I floated above.

And the Voice told me, as it had always done, “The only person you need to be good enough for is only, and only, you. As long as you're honest to what you do, they cannot harm you. ”

And instantly, all my doubts, fears, insecurities were washed away. All of them. As long as I knew that I did my best, that I gave it all I had, that I was the best I could be…t’would be alright. I needn’t be good enough for them. I needed to be good enough for me, and for me alone.

They are whatever they are, but I'm not bad. I have a positive outlook, loving family, supportive friends and and numerous reasons to smile.

Content.

Thats what I am.

Content.


"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it; people like me. " - Al Franken

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Fighting...but for what?




When I was in Second (Or Third or Fourth, I don't remember clearly), there was a boy in my class named Akshat Bhandari. He always sat on the second-last seat in the second last row. We used to have 'seats with partners'. I always wanted to sit with him, and so did my friend Ashna. We both wanted to sit with him so much, that we started fighting over it. I came to school early so that I could be his partner. Ashna would come, give me an angry look and stalk off. And some days she'd come early. We both got so into this fight that we even resorted to some really, really desperate measures. We would push each other, pull each other's hair and a lot more. After a time, it wasn't about sitting with Akshat any more. I didn't care if I was Akshat's partner or not...all I cared about was that I had to beat Ashna to the seat. I had to have that 'in your face, I win this time' expression on me.


Often, when we're fighting, we lose sight of what we're actually fighting for. The prize at the end of the fight doesn't matter as much as the satisfaction which comes after beating others. Sometimes, maybe, its a good thing, I don't know. But usually, in this case, we fight pointlessly.
We don't care about winning the prize...all we care about is winning from them. Defeating them. Making them lick dust. Okay, thats a little far-fetched. Anyway...

When you're in such a situation like this,
Stop.
Breathe.
Take a look around.
And then think. "Does it really matter?"


Does it really?

Akshat left the school the following year (not because of us, I hope). And I really, really hope you don't read this Akshat. I'm not that crazy now.
Also, I'd like to apologize to Ashna, wherever she is now.
I'm sorry. Twice we both wanted the same partners (remember in KG when Akshay came to sit with me? I'm not still gloating over this, swear).
Anyway, you can have both of them now. It doesn't matter to me.

Is this what they call 'closure'? ;)

All my love,
Srishti

P.S. If you're from Ahlcon, please, please, please don't read this!

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Uncertainty


It seems as if the only certain thing in my life…is Uncertainty. Everything right now is uncertain. Uncertainty comes with the Wait. The waiting, the wondering...will I get it? Will we go? Will it be OK? Will something happen?

Answers: None. Only the Wait.

I wake up one morning, thinking it to be any other normal day…and suddenly it seems as if the whole world’s tumbling down. And on the day something should happen, the huge feeling of anti-climax envelops me.

This Uncertainty, this makes each emotion extreme. Every single one. When I’ve lost all hope and I think, this is it. Ain’t gonna happen. And suddenly it does…obviously, I’ll be overjoyed. Over the moon. Bliss.

And when…when I wake up in the morning, excited, anticipative thinking, yes. Today’s the day. What I’ve been looking for. It all crumples down with the swish of a feather. With one wrong decision. Then I’m crestfallen, downcast.

It’s a wonder I haven’t been diagnosed with Bi-polar Disorder.

And at the end of the day I lie in bed thinking, ‘If only…’

What could have been had I…? The possibilities are endless. So are the outcomes.

With each decision dictating the next turn in our life…how do we choose the correct one?

With everything uncertain in the life, do we learn to go with the flow…or do we plan even more relentlessly?

With the world moving by in a rush, how do we keep our feet on the ground while keeping pace?

How?


"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next" - Ursula K. LeGuin

I'm not blaming uncertainty; because in the end, uncertainty is what makes life enjoyable. I'm just saying...its not very easy to live with. Sixteen is not easy.


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Murphy's Law

I'm saying it now, and I'll stick to it forever: Murphy was a GENIUS. Seriously. Newton, Einstein, Edison...you guys were all great, but Murphy here, is my favourite.


Murphy's Law basically states this:

Anything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong, at the WORST possible time, in the WORST possible way.

The British stage magician Nevil Maskelyne wrote in 1908:

"It is an experience common to all men to find that, on any special occasion, such as the production of a magical effect for the first time in public, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Whether we must attribute this to the malignity of matter or to the total depravity of inanimate things, whether the exciting cause is hurry, worry, or what not, the fact remains."

Which, is like, SO true! And this is Murphy's Extended Law: If a series of events can go wrong, they will do so in the worst possible sequence.

Actually, I think that the probability of something going wrong is less than something going right. Because, in life, there are obviously MORE right things that have happened to you than wrong things, unless you're Lindsay Lohan from Just My Luck (and anyway, if you ARE Lindsay Lohan, then Murphy's Law probably doesn't even apply to you).

For example, lets imagine that this cute guy's in your school or college whatever. You've never talked or anything. Lets say you, your friends, he and probably his friends are in the canteen. So he'll NOT look at you when you just cracked a joke and everyone's laughing. He'll NOT look at you when you look positively angelic. But he WILL look at you when you're choking up on water and coughing uncontrollably and your face is all red. Murphy's Law.

Another example. My internet's been working totally fine over the past so many weeks. I've never had a problem with it. But two-three days ago, I needed to send a REALLY important e-mail and BAM! The connection's lost. Internet's not working. All this past month, I've been whiling away my time on Facebook, or just surfing the net looking for nothing in particular, and the ONE time I ACTUALLY need the internet, its gone! Murphy's Law.

Or maybe you've gone somewhere and you're reallyy hungry and the only place around for food is this restraunt that serves so-so food. But you're ravenous so you just eat it and fill your stomach. When you come home full and filled, it turns out your mom made your favourite dish! Murphy's Law.

This is a parody of famous lines in Thomas Moore's Lalla Rookh:

I never had a slice of bread,

Particularly large and wide,

That did not fall upon the floor,

And always on the buttered side.

Although I'm not very fond of the Law, I really have to thank Murphy for making us aware about the Law. And its prevalence in nature.

Murphy's Law isn't applicable all the time. Once in a while, or if you're REALLY unlucky, then twice in a while. :P

But the fact remains. Such a law exists. To avoid getting Murphynated at any special occasions, you can be like Monica and make a list of all possible things that can go wrong and provide its solutions. Or you can just live with it and bear it when it comes. Because people DO get murphynated a lot other times, than JUST during special occasions. In that case, the second option would be better. And more reasonable.

Signing off Murphynated,

Srishti

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:?

:O

A few days ago, I caught up with a friend. 'Friend' may not be the correct term, but whatever. "We broke up", she said. "Ohh" was all I could say. And then I was shown something which horrified me. "See, I did this", she says. I see a distinct 'M' carved on her stomach. She had cut herself with a knife, the shape M and was actually happy about it. And it was pretty large. "Oh my God! What have you done?!" I yell, freaked out. "Relax, its nothing. I got a tetanus, you know" she said with a wink. Some achievement. What kind of thought process would actually make someone do something like that? I'm all for eternal love, but this? I actually plan to get a tatoo (way, way into the future). The name of my One True Love, you know ;) But to cut myself for a JERK? No way :O

:\

My maths teacher reminds me of Boman Irani from Mai Hoon Naa. I have NEVER met a more scatter-brained and absent minded person in my entire life. Some of her pearls of wisdom include:

Ma'am: (Angry because nobody is studying) : 9th D...

Class: Ma'am 10th D!

Ma'am(?): 10th D. You are the worst section of 9th...

-------

Ma'am: Q10 is the last exercise of this chapter...

-------

Ma'am: You have to show the working, as in you don't have to show the working...

-------

Ma'am: Srishti, start writing and top stalking...

:\

:D

Maybe someone threw laughing powder over everyone, because this month is turning out to be the most Hilarious month EVER! The only thing I did sincerely all month is laugh. Well, laughter is the best policy. Wait, that was honesty. Wasn't it? Anyway, He Who Shall Not Be Named swallowed a nail today :D

:)

The weather's pleasent, the company's beautiful so how can I help not smiling? Slowly, I'm learning to face my fears and work on them, trying to prioritize and failing, and also trying not to be sad about D-Day, which is getting closer everyday.

:)

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Girls Just Wanna Have Fun


No, not the Cyndi Lauper song. Because girls do just wanna have fun. Atleast I do. But the song is nice too. And so is The Way You Look Tonight by Tony...hold on, I forgot his name. Tony something. Or something else. And I've recently discovered, that the lyrics to the song One in a Million by Miley Cyrus (tsk all you want but everyone secretly likes her) are true. So much that it is actually freaky. Like:


"They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in a blink of an eye"
Which is like, SO TRUE. 11th of August was an amazing day. So amazing that I had forgotten that such amazing days even existed. I think that all the amazing things happened because I woke up at 5:45 in the morning and absorbed all the positive energy along with the fresh air. Really, you wouldn't believe how much your-day's-gonna-be-good-today energy is getting wasted each day. I've vowed to get up early each day from now.

On a different note, I've completed P.S. I love you which was funny and sad at the same time and started Gone With The Wind which is interesting and boring at the same time. Interesting because of the famous Scarlett-Rhett love story and boring because, I really can't relate to it. And also, I found out that Crimson Tide is really not that boring as I thought it would be. Its pretty good actually. So quoting Denzel Washington,
"In my humble opinion, in the nuclear world, the true enemy is war itself"

Who agrees with it? Raise your hand!

*Raises hand*

And what about John Lennon? He, I think, is the one who deserves to be quoted. Didn't he say that Beatles were more popular than Jesus? Sheesh. Some nerve. Not that he is necessarily wrong. Another one of his famous quotes



"A part of me suspects that I'm a complete loser and the other part thinks that I'm God Almighty"

Huh. I could say that for a lot of people.

The weather's nice. Jonathan Rhys Meyers is facing some stiff competition ;) My dad's promised me some good kite-flying lessons.



The actual fun part of going to school is doing what you are not supposed to do. So in no particular order, my favourite things in school is:

-Being thrown out of the class with friends. Makes the day worth coming to school.

-Eating while the teacher is teaching. Food never tasted better.

-Laughing at nothing in particular. And once when you start laughing, absolutely cannot stop.

-Roaming around in the corridors. Why else were they made?

-Some nice, pretty sights ;)

-Swings. So what if I'm almost 16?

-Canteen lemonade :D

-And obviously, when you can't stop giggling while you're getting scolded. Its SO not Jungle mein Mangal, I tell you.

Tab tak ke liye, shampa khair, khuda haafiz, goodnight kal milte hai, isse samey par

aur dekhte rahiye Kaun Banegaaaaa....Crorepati.

*tadadada...KBC's music plays*


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